Transition

Transitions have been occurring rapidly over the course of my life, most manufactured by my indelible decision making. In the past, I'd feel fear, not courage. I'd begin peering over my own shoulder, trying to create a villain that would enable me to flee responsibility. Again and again, I would seek out a deeper part of myself that could change everything, anything, and then blame those around me for my lack of understanding, the lack of understanding of that basic humanity. I cringe at the gut-rotting guilt, insecurity, and the impossible perfection. None of it was real! None of that truly held me, I see that now. I've genuinely taken a different approach, because now life isn't about fleeing or turning from something, no matter the agony of uncomfortableness. It takes several people to remind me of this, often. I'm grateful for the times I don't hear them, and then run back to them, because I know that if I continue to head toward someone, I'll listen maybe once. They show me that transitions need to occur, they need to fill every part of my life, because solidness comes from the inability to stretch yourself up to something you can't see, but feel. xo